


Ring of Fire

by pporksodaa



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Cameos, Death, F/M, Fem China cameo, Fem Germany cameo, GET IT, Germania cameo, Holland Cameo, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Violence, Multi, Netherlands cameo, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, Russia Cameo, This is not necessarily meant to be slow burn so i'm not gonna tag it as that, also death is a mature subject right idk, and puns about fire, lots of fire puns, no but really lots of talk about people burning alive and dying, rated m bc i haven't decided if i wanna write more than some hot makeout scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-12 14:42:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15342078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pporksodaa/pseuds/pporksodaa
Summary: Alfred is the Hero he always wanted to be, or at least he says he is. Ludwig devotes his time and energy to his medical work because helping people is so important, but he may or may not also have a fear of being alone. Through a bit of tragedy, coincidental timing, and some patience, something forms between them. Is it a bond forged in the fires of romance and communication, or is it a one-sided roundabout of heart burn? Bet u can’t guess lolRated M for ( possible ) future chapters and heavy mentions of death, some mentions of violence and crime. (It's not as dark as it seems, I promise dljaskdf)





	1. Smokey Eyes, But Not That Kind.

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I want ya'll to know this is not supposed to be a slow burn. It will be multiple chapters, but it's not a slow burn I'm so sorry. This is the first time I've tried to write a multi-chapter anything in years, so forgive me if the update schedule is off. Also forgive me for all the bad chapter names; the urge to make them all fire-related was keepin me up at night skdjs
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I have done a lot of research, and I take my notes, but I will probably get some things wrong here and there. If you happen to know something is wrong, let me know and I'll do my best to take care of it. 
> 
> Kudos and (nice) comments are appreciated! :) Thank you!

It was a hero complex. 

 

It was a hero complex that persuaded Alfred so strongly to distribute his good will, time, and energy the way he did. If he could, there was no reason not to help someone in need. Superman didn’t take days off. Superman was always the first on the scene. Superman was selfless and brave and strong. He wasn’t the kind to create bad situations in his mission to save others, but he was a bit reckless. He went in without thinking sometimes, because he just wanted to save the day. 

 

When asked, Alfred liked to say it was because he just wanted to help people and seeing people happy was a feeling indescribable. But sometimes, he knew that he did it because it made  _ him _ feel good. It covered up for any insecurities he had about being ultimately insignificant in this big, big world and even larger universe(s). 

 

It was hard, to be selfless like Superman. But Superman wasn’t human; it wasn’t easy to model yourself after someone who went without the faults of humankind hard-wired into their brain. Alfred was human. So yeah, he was selfish sometimes. But just like any human, he knew remorse when he felt it. He also knew how to stick it out for the long haul, how to strap in for the ride, how to keep on when the going went rough. 

 

Becoming a firefighter seemed like the snug fit he had always wanted.  Fast-paced and dangerous, the way a young American man with an old Hollywood smile liked it. It was certainly a crew full of heroes.

 

Alfred hung to the side of the truck as they charged down the street, packed heavy with gear and watching the faces of bewildered strangers as they raced through the night. He felt himself smiling a little, just for a moment; everyone was a child again when a fire truck came through.  _ Look, a fire truck!!!!  _ Alfred remembered the cherry red sweetness of a firetruck that childhood created fondly. But he also remembered they were responding to one of his least favorite calls. 

 

An apartment fire. 

 

A sourness pierced through his smile, his lips instead pressing into a hard line.

 

There were always so many people. Children, disabled people, sick people, old people. Plenty of people who were helpless. Plenty of people who needed saving. Even when he had nightmares about the faces of those he hadn’t be able to get to in time, he pulled himself together and kept his spirits forward. That was all he could do. 

 

He could hear people screaming as they grew closer, and he gripped the handle tighter. Here we go. His heart rate picked up, pounding in his chest and rattling against his bones. A rush flooded his ears, like the sound of the hoses crashing into the raging fire that engulfed the building. 

 

Everything slowed down just for a moment, as they lurched to a stop and he took in the sight of everyone from the apartment all in their pajamas, utterly dazed and terrified, swaddled in trauma blankets. Alfred snapped right back into the moment as soon as he jumped off the truck, landing hard but sturdy on his feet and launching into action. 

 

Alfred didn’t know how long he had toiled away, as time became an abstract concept when he was in the heat of the moment ( no pun intended ). But the Captain’s coarse, barking voice caught his attention. The building’s structure grew more and more unstable by the minute. Alfred felt dread fill his chest, as he gazed forlornly at the inferno that had been so many peoples’ homes. 

 

Above the roar of the action, he heard a call. 

 

“Sam? Sam! Where is-- Have you seen my-- oh, God! Sam!” 

 

Alfred perked up, eyes scanning the crowd until he saw a young man he had carried from the building earlier.  

 

He wasn’t too badly injured, a little breathless and roughed up and some hair singed but seemed to be fine. The man’s pale blonde hair glowed white in the fire’s light, but it was his eyes that Alfred saw first. He always remembered their eyes, and this man’s was absolutely no exception. Wide, shifty, shiny with tears. The man’s voice was deep, but the panic and smoke had turned it into an achy croak. 

 

Alfred was drawn into him, pushing past people and jogging over to him. “Hey! Sir, sir, who are you looking for?” He asked, breathless. 

“Sam! Sam!” The man repeated, on the brink of hysterics, frantically shaking his hands.

“Who is Sam, sir?” Alfred asked, fearing the worst.

“I can’t find Sam, I can’t find her, I can’t find her, I can’t find Sam!”

“Who--”

“His damn dog.” Another man stepped into the other’s side, pale through and through with bloodshot eyes. Alfred vaguely recognized him, as his buddy had brought him out. They had come from the same apartment number, so he guessed a family relation between them. “Sam is his dog…”

“I-I couldn’t find her when the fire started, I guess she ran off...she’s still  _ in there _ ! No one would get her, no one would listen to me. Oh,  _ Sam _ …”

 

Alfred swallowed thickly, looking at the building, then back at the two. Aw, shit. He’d had enough objections about dropping any further rescue action beforehand, let alone  _ this _ . He had run right to the call, though, hadn’t he? Just looking for a reason. To play Hero. 

 

“I’ll be right back. Just stay right there. I’ll get Sam. What kinda dog is she?” 

“Big, fluffy white Great Pyrenees. Can’t miss her,” the pale man told him.

 

Alfred nodded. Didn’t know what a Great Pyrenees was, but she was big and fluffy and white. That was a good enough descriptor for him. He ran back to the truck and began to gear up again.

 

“Jones!” The captain barked as he saw Alfred getting ready. “Ya can’t go back in there; the building’s gonna give any minute!” 

“I gotta, Cap!” Alfred called back, already running ahead toward the building-sized bonfire.

“Jones,  _ no _ !”

 

Heat. 

 

Alfred had gotten his fair share of the puff of heat that you encountered when entering a burning building. But he couldn’t say he had gotten used to it yet; he had only a member of the unit for about two years now. He was by no means a veteran and with all the shit he pulled, they still definitely called him a rookie. But he had heart, didn’t he? It was in the cheesy movies he loved to watch. The underdog. The underdog could never fail, with the power of friendship, with the backstory full of motivation, and the  _ heart _ . 

 

Alfred was pretty smart, too; just reckless. He hadn’t gotten on the force with a lack of intelligence that much was sure. 

 

He remembered that he had taken that blonde man down from the second floor, so he forced his way there first. Every step braved through charred flooring. Chunks of wall lurched forward in front of him, causing pillows of sparks and ash to reach up at him. He listened for any sounds of barking or whining or yelping above the hungry growl of the fire around him. 

 

Nothing. 

 

Alfred topped the landing and turned down the hall. It was just like every other hall he had been down already. Five white doors on either side, the walls painted a minty green that was now anything but. He was sure there were welcome mats, but the floor was only a sea of destruction. Several doors had already been kicked in, so it was only the gleam of silver number next to a busted door frame that alerted him that he had arrived at apartment 108. Bingo. The guy had said he hadn’t been able to find her, and he hadn’t seen anything when he’d been in here earlier but a dog was likely to return to their owner in an event like this. And they would stay if their owner wasn’t there. Sure enough, when Alfred went in, he saw a flash of movement as Sam pounced onto him, barking and whining. Her white fur was caked with ash in some places, smeared from her journey through the burning hellscape. 

 

“Oh! Hey, girl,” he breathed with a soft chuckle, pulling his mask off to seem more friendly. Each breath he took in was a knife in his lungs, but no one could be exactly comfortable seeing some masked guy stomping around, especially not a dog. “There you are! Somebody’s missin’ you, yeah? Let’s get outta here! Quick, come on!” He picked her up, high tailing it out of the room. 

 

The building was indeed falling apart. He heard the groan of wood giving way nearby, and the angry thunder of concrete coming down. It shook every step he took down the stairs, and a cold sweat broke out on his brow when he felt the stairs crumbling beneath his feet. Faster,  _ faster _ . If Superman turned the whole Earth back to save Lois Lane, he could just as easily make it down the stairs, through the lobby, and out to that young man with this dog no problem. 

 

He was a hero. He could make it. He could  _ not _ fail. 

 

Alfred forced his legs to charge on faster, adrenaline fueling his every movement like the Speed Force powered The Flash. Oh, eat your heart out Barry Allen. His mask was still off, shoved high up on his head. He breathed hard and ragged, taking in every bit of what his body wasn’t supposed to harbor. But he was so close. No time to stop now; Sam would slip from his grip if he moved even one arm and they would both be in danger then. He had to  _ keep going _ . 

 

In his arms, Sam was barking and howling into the flames. Her frame was never still, restless and running on instinct. She clawed at his padded shoulders. She was heavy, but on the job there was no weight too heavy. Alfred skidded through the lobby with fire hot on his heels ( almost literally ), dodging obstacles and bursting back out into the open night air. 

 

Sam wriggled out of his grip, barking happily and running off to greet the young man. The man shed his blanket, kneeling to meet her with open arms. Alfred heard him burst into tears even from where he was. Sweet. 

 

Alfred tore off his mask as he returned to the truck, his vision going blurry and every breath searing through his chest like Hell. But he’d  _ done it _ . The Captain did  _ not _ look happy, glaring daggers at him. He could see that even through tear eyes, blinking hard through it.

 

“Medic! It’s Jones again,” the captain called. “You gotta stop pullin’ stupid shit like that, ya hear me? You’re gonna get yourself or someone else killed!”

“Loud ‘n’ clear, boss,” Alfred rasped with a salute as he finally powered down for the moment, collapsing against a journey and letting the EMTs cart him off.  

 

* * *

The next time Alfred saw that young man was at the doctor’s officer a month later. He came in for a routine check-up, was all.  Amazingly. He had long since become good friends with the receptionists at the hospital considering how often he was there. Not to mention, his father was a doctor so he gone to hang out as a child.

 

Coincidentally, that young man was the nurse that came to retrieve him. 

 

“Jones, Alfred?”

 

Alfred looked up from the game on his phone when he heard his name. Blinking a few times, he saw the young man standing there. “Well, I’ll be  _ damned _ ,” he said, as the man’s surprised gaze mirrored his own. “It’s you!”

 

The man seemed embarrassed, clearing his throat. “Alfred Jones?” He questioned, seeming definitely less upset than the last time they had seen each other.

“Oh-- yeah! That’s me!” Alfred stood, tucking his phone away and putting his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Perfect. I am Ludwig, and I will be your nurse today. Please follow me.”

 

Alfred nodded and did just that, trailing behind Ludwig quietly. Oh, man. He saw the people he saved around sometimes, but they usually didn’t remember him since most of the time he had a mask over his face. Considering he had met Ludwig without the mask and he’d saved the guy’s dog… That was definitely cause for that ‘oh shit I know you’ look. 

 

He rubbed the back of his head as they approached a hallway with a chair and some medical equipment he vaguely recognized.

 

“Sit, please,” Ludwig said, pointing to the chair and flipping over a page on on his clipboard. 

 

Alfred sat. 

 

“Please remove your arm from your jacket.”

 

Alfred pulled it out for him, rolling up his shirt sleeve to let him wrap the blood pressure strap around his bicep. Ludwig turned on the machine and waited patiently and quietly. Alfred didn’t like just sitting there. Being at the hospital was never his favorite thing because it felt scary. He was fearless and braved things that most other people wouldn’t, but who didn’t get a little icky feeling in the stomach at the mention of being in the hospital? A doctor’s office was a domestic thing, but it felt so...formal. Ludwig felt formal, and his hands were cold.

 

“So...you remember me?” He ventured, just to get the conversation going. 

 

Ludwig glanced at him, familiar eyes definitely confirming prior their meeting. Icy blue, narrow and hooded. “Yes.” The one-word answer jarred Alfred for a moment, but he continued a moment later. “I cannot possibly tell you how thankful I am for what you did for me; I have been meaning to send you flowers or something, alas...I have been quite busy after my home burned down.” 

 

Alfred wore a wide, awkward smile that read more like a grimace. “No, no, don’t worry. I get it! Well, I mean-- I’ve never had my place burned down, so don’t worry about it. Besides, nurses are always on call, right?”

 

“I used to be. It is much calmer here.”

“Used to?”

“I worked at the hospital as a CRNA for about two years; I was barely at home. After the fire, I’ve had to move across town to live with my brother and his wife until I can getback onto my feet.”

“ _ CRNA _ ? Wait, wait, you’re a little young to be a CRNA, aren’t ya?”

“I am 26.”

“It takes at least 8 years to become a CRNA, though! I know ‘cause my aunt is one. She was 26 when she  _ started _ workin’ at the hospital!”

“Your point?”

 

Alfred stared at him agape, even as the man took down the reading of his blood pressure then took off the strap. So, that meant this guy had started his studies at around 16. Was that even possible? Did they allow that? 

 

“Step up on the scale, please, sir.”

 

Alfred shut his low hanging jaw and did so, still visibly perplexed. Nah...Ludwig was lying. There was no way. He stepped down once asked, following him to another room. “Are you  _ sure _ you’re 26?” He asked, narrowing his eyes a bit as Ludwig sat at the computer. 

“Yes. Now, you are here on your routine checkup, but is there anything that has been especially concerning you lately?”

“Uh, no, not really.” Alfred rubbed the back of his head, shrugging. “Well, actually, I’ve been havin’ trouble sleepin’.”

“Yes, it says this in your records. Do you take medication for it?”

“Nah, I try not to.”

“But do you ever? Even just sometimes?”

“I take that ZzzQuil stuff sometimes.”

“Alright. Do you know why you’ve been having trouble sleeping? Any external stressors or trouble with work or in your personal life?”

“ _ Well _ , I am a fire fighter, so I see a lot of...bad stuff. There was a case just a few weeks ago, and this guy came out of the house and was just-- just  _ engulfed _ in flames. He was screamin’, and I froze. I couldn’t do anything to save him. I see people die all the time, but I...well, yeah. I have a lot that I think about, I guess.”

“Do you go to therapy?”

“Yeah. Once a week, but it’s for, uh, other stuff.”

“Perhaps you should bring it up to your therapist. If you are not mentally well, you can no longer continue helping people. And I am sure you wouldn’t want that.”

“Definitely not.”

They proceeded to go through the routine questions and yadda yadda. When they had gone through it all, Ludwig finally stood and said, “Dr. Braam shall be here within ten minutes, just wait patiently in here, okay?”

Alfred tilted his head at him. “Where are you from?” He asked suddenly.

“...Germany.” Ludwig said, raising a pale blonde eyebrow. “Why?”

“Oh! Ya sound like my doctor kinda, so I thought ya might be from the same area. He’s from Holland. That’s close to Germany, right? Anyway, Germany’s nice. Never been, but I hear it’s nice. Is it?”

“It is. It is very...nice.”

Alfred nodded, smiling at him. Cool. Awkward, but cool.

Ludwig stared at him for a moment then cleared his throat. “Do you need anything else?” He asked.

Alfred shook his head. “I’m good, thanks. See ya.”

Ludwig nodded and left quietly down the hall.

 

Alfred gave a soft sigh, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling. Now that he had been able to get a better look at him, and hadn’t been in an intense moment, he found Ludwig pretty handsome. Chiseled jaw. High cheekbones. Pink, plush lips. That platinum blonde hair. Those broad shoulders and his biceps didn’t look too bad in those scrubs either. For what it was worth, even with that muscle, Ludwig was...well, he was pretty. The guy was tall and could probably be lethal if he wanted, but he was pretty in a way. 

 

Ah,  _ jeez _ . Was he crushing on a guy he knew nothing about? Alfred rubbed a hand down his face and snorted to himself. Ah, whatever. He saw cute guys all the time! No need to get worked up about it!

 

The door open and another tall, blonde, and handsome man stepped in. Damn, these white men were gonna have him dizzy if they kept coming in this set. Tall, blonde, and handsome was his weakness.  _ Damn _ , he loved a blonde. 

 

“Jones,” Dr. Braam said as he sat, clicking through the computer. “Why are you grinning like that? Were you hitting on the new nurse?”

Alfred felt his face get hot, sitting up straighter and scoffing. “ _ No _ ,” he muttered. “That’s stupid, I don’t even know him.”

 

Dr. Braam smirked at the computer screen but didn’t press on any further, moving on to the rest of the checkup.


	2. Kindling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems the universe has hit a snag or something, because Alfred can't stop seeing Ludwig around wherever he goes. There is a logical explanation for it, but Alfred always liked to believe in the unbelievable anyway! And things are definitely going to get unbelievable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mǎ Diu is Nyo China.  
> Mabelle is Seychelles.  
> Aoife is Nyo Ireland. 
> 
> :))))))))))))))))) i don't like the title for this but i couldn't come up with anything else so oh well. edit: I PUT THE WRONG TITLE THAT'S WHY I HATED IT JDBFVHND

The second time Alfred saw Ludwig after the fire was at the police station about a week or two after the checkup. 

 

He’d come with his father Arthur to see the Chief. Arthur had performed surgery on his wife  Mǎ Diu, and she was still in the hospital so he had been giving him updates when he could. He didn’t come to the station often, because he didn’t have friends around here and it was in his best interest as a fire fighter and as a black man to  _ not _ really be at the police station unless he was seeing a friend. The only reason he’d come with Arthur was because they were also supposed to be going to lunch and had stopped in here beforehand. He and Arthur didn’t spend a lot of time together now that he was an adult with a steady job and his own place, but they still made time every once in a while. Not to mention being a surgeon didn’t exactly lend itself to a lot of free time. It never had. 

 

When Arthur told him he was seeing a friend, he was a bit shocked. He hadn’t realized Arthur had any friends around here, but Arthur wasn’t exactly the most open about his social life ( Alfred could bet that it was because he had a very limited one ). 

 

But imagine his shock when Arthur approached none other than Ludwig and the albino man from the night of the fire once they’d entered. And man, Ludwig standing there in a turtleneck and black slacks was a sight to see. Not that it mattered, or anything. 

 

The other man was talking with Ludwig, leaned against a desk, arms crossed as were Ludwig’s own. He was dressed nicely with his gun strapped to his hip, no doubt a detective.  Alfred hadn’t seen it before, but the man had ink down to his wrists and up his neck. His ears were stretched, but he wore clear acrylics in the gap. Huh. He didn’t know people were allowed to do that in law enforcement, but it was cool. A little intimidating, but cool all the same.

 

Wasn’t that curious, that they were meeting again? In the police station of all places. 

 

Arthur called to them, and the man-- Gilbert looked up, flashing a grin and giving a wave. Ludwig looked over to them as well and seemed just as surprised as at the doctor’s office. 

 

“Mr. Jones,” Ludwig said, straightening up a bit. 

“Ludwig,” Alfred said with a broad smile. “Fancy seein’ you here, yeah?”

“You two know each other?” Gilbert interjected, raising an eyebrow.

Ludwig nodded. “Oh, yes. This is Mr. Jones; he’s the one that saved Sam and me,” he said. “I told you that a while ago, didn’t I?”

“...Oh, yeah, I remember now. Alfred, right? Ludwig hasn’t stopped talking about you! I meant to talk to your captain and get you flowers or something, but I’ve been busy and all. I’m Gilbert; Ludwig’s older brother. You’re a good man for doing that, you know.” Gilbert clapped him on the back. “Maybe when you get older, I could get ya a spot on the force. We need more brave guys, eh?”

 

Alfred blinked, getting up the courage to look Gilbert in the eye. The guy was being nice, but he just felt a little intimidated, especially knowing Gilbert was Ludwig’s older brother. That and knowing Ludwig had apparently been talking about him. “Uh, thanks,” he said, putting on a wider smile until straight, white teeth showed. “Don’t worry about it! Helpin’ people is my passion.” 

“You got a good kid on your hands, Artie,” Gilbert said with a nod.

Arthur gave a faint smile. “He always makes me proud,” he said, then swiftly moved the conversation with Gilbert along elsewhere.

 

Alfred shifted his shoulders. Always? Ha! Yeah fuckin’ right. ‘Always’ was more like ‘sometimes, I guess’. Whatever. He leaned against a nearby desk as well, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his bomber jacket, looking over at Ludwig. 

 

“So, how’s Sam?” He asked. 

“She’s doing well. She is certainly happier now that I can be home more often,” Ludwig said, glancing down at his shoes. “Have you been sleeping better?”

“Not really. Doc prescribed me some stuff, but again I just...I dunno, I don’t like takin’ medication for sleep. Makes me feel weird.”

“Medication is prescribed to help you; you should take it. Nothing Dr. Braam gives you would purposefully hurt you. It is the oath, after all.”

“I know, I know. I’ll try it.”

“Good. Don’t hesitate to call if it doesn’t work out within a week, alright?”

Alfred nodded. “Will do!”

 

They fell into silence, and Alfred couldn’t decide whether it was a comfortable one or not. The only thought that kept flashing through his mind was what Gilbert said. Ludwig hadn’t stopped talking about him. It wasn’t anything especially surprising, was it? He’d saved Ludwig’s life and dog, hadn’t he? Was it such a stretch that Ludwig might talk about it often?

 

He felt flattered, certainly. Helping people was his passion and just like always, he would be the first to insist it was usually a selfless act. As selfless as he could get. But it felt nice to be recognized for it, even if it was just someone telling a family member. Besides, Gilbert had laid it on pretty thick just now, which warmed Alfred up from the inside out. 

 

Gilbert soon clapped his hands, putting a harsh end to Alfred’s thought. “Well, it was nice seein’ you, Artie, but Lud and I are due for a lunch date,” he said. “I’ll see you later. And Alfred, I’ll get you those flowers ASAP, alright?”

 

Alfred nodded and gave him a quick handshake, watching him. 

 

“Good afternoon, Doctor,” Ludwig said to Arthur with a formal bow of his head. “Mr. Jones.”

“Alfred-- call me Alfred,” said Alfred, shaking his head.

Ludwig blinked. “...Alfred,” he repeated. “Good afternoon.”

 

Alfred waved and watched him go. Nice butt. He coughed to himself and followed Arthur to the Chief’s office, staying by the door as he waited for them to be done. 

 

* * *

Alfred saw Ludwig  _ again _ at the theatre just a few days later.

 

Alfred was seeing his friend Magnus in a production of Hamlet. Magnus was the lead, as usual. He was an insanely talented individual, not just alongside him at work but on the stage as well. Most people didn’t know it but Magnus was a very good actor, poet, dancer, singer, and engineer. The colossal talent was a little intimidating, but Magnus was a down to earth guy, so he and Alfred got along really well. 

 

When Alfred approached Ludwig at concessions, it turned out that Ludwig was there to see his sister-in-law Lili, who was playing Ophelia. So they sat together in the front, and Alfred couldn’t help but notice that Ludwig ate through two boxes of Junior Mints and Reese’s Pieces respectively. Sure, the show was four hours long and Alfred could understand getting a little peckish but that was a lot of candy. Not just for an adult but for anyone. Alfred liked candy just as much as the next guy, especially chocolate, but if he ate it like  _ that _ he’d get a stomach ache no doubt. Damn.

 

Alfred began to see Ludwig around a lot more than he had ever anticipated. They lived in a pretty sizable city, so it wasn’t often he saw people frequently that he wasn’t directly working with, friends with, or lived near. But it seemed that Ludwig moving all the way over here had certainly opened up some new opportunities for them both. Kind of. 

 

They never really  _ hung out _ . It was always more of a ‘oh shit it’s  _ you _ again’ moment between them and some slightly painful small talk. But in each encounter, he learned a little something about Ludwig here and there. 

 

At the mall, Ludwig was indulging in a blue hibiscus tea and Alfred decided to get a floral tea for himself. He went with jasmine and was not disappointed. He didn’t usually drink hot tea because all the stuff Arthur had made was bitter and tasted all the same. Maybe something more fun like this could grow on him. 

 

When Alfred was at a craft store to pick up some fabrics for his aunt Aoife, he saw Ludwig with a small basket full of fabrics, little trinkets, some paints, and other crafty supplies. Ludwig didn’t say what they were for, but he did help Alfred find what he needed for Aoife. 

 

Alfred ran into him at the pharmacy when he went to refill the sleep medication Dr. Braam had prescribed. Ludwig was picking up his high blood pressure medication. Cool. Standing in the same line after an awkward conversation made Alfred feel a little sweaty, in all honesty. 

 

Going on dates also made Alfred feel a little sweaty. Especially  _ blind dates _ . Oh, Christ. 

 

He stood in the mirror, grumbling at his reflection and tugging the top button of his dress shirt. He only buttoned the top button on short sleeves buttons up with fun patterns. Solid white and stiff? No, thanks. He pulled it undone and shifting his shoulders as the lazy gaze behind him began to get on his nerves. 

 

“Will you  _ say  _ something, you creep?” He muttered, looking at the young woman that sat on his bed in the mirror. 

Mabelle snorted and stood, going to his side and patting his shoulder. “What do I need to say, _ mon ami _ ? You look very handsome! Did you need me to tell you that? I am sure you already knew,” she said, patting his chest now and giving a broad smile. “There is nothing you need to be worrying about, Alfred. The worst case scenario, it does not work out! At the very least, you will have eaten a nice dinner at a beautiful restaurant.”

“Worst case scenario you set me up with some psycho murderer,” Alfred replied sourly, crossing his arms.

She gave a pinch to his arm and chuckled over his whine. “Do  _ not  _ be so pessimistic!” She said, going to sit on his bed. “And he is  _ not  _ an ax murderer. He has a stable job, very sweet, very handsome, very cute,  _ very  _ blonde.”

“I know, I know. Ya told me. I just...Mabelle, ya know I love you, but why do you do this to me?”

“Because,  _ mon ami _ , I want you to find love! Sure, making friends first works, but you have an amazing talent for making  _ only _ friends! Maybe it is because you are kind of dumb.”

“Hey! Who even invited you over? Ya little brat!”

Mabelle jumped up again with a giggle, clapping. “Oh, hush, hush. I only joke. It’s time to go! You should be early; he is always early, to everything, so you may as well not keep him waiting! Let’s go, let’s go!” She ushered him out of the room and down the hall.

 

Alfred groaned childishly, pausing to rummage around the living room for his glasses case. He usually kept them where he kept his keys-- which he couldn’t find. After finding his keys, then his glasses case he cleaned his glasses and finally went out to his car. Mabelle left shortly before he did. 

 

When he arrived at the venue, he sat in his car for a few minutes. It was gonna be fine. Like she said, worst case scenario it didn’t work out. Best case scenario...well, they would see. He wasn’t really interested in just getting into somebody’s pants tonight. If they didn’t end up dating, he’d at least like to be able to make a friend. Making friends was kinda hard after having a one-night stand. Alfred would know. He’d tried it before, and it was just a burden that he wasn’t really into trying to manage between work and his responsibilities as an adult. It was painful trying to talk about video games you liked when both of you knew you’d seen each other naked before you had even known each other’s last names. 

 

He rubbed his hands down his face and looked at himself in the rearview mirror. Damn, he did look handsome. It had been a while since he had been in anything this formal, and it still wasn’t the most formal-- but  _ hot damn _ ! If anything, he could look like he was confident. He patted his own cheeks and put on a bright smile to try to convince himself last minute, climbing out of the car and going into the restaurant. 

 

Where had Mabelle said they’d be sitting? A glance at his phone told him in the back by the window. Man, she really had been pretty involved with this whole date thing. Alfred felt a bit bad. She had put in a lot of effort, and he had complained the entire time she was over. He’d be sure to thank her after this. 

 

Thanking Jesus also seemed like a good idea, as Alfred approached the table and saw just who his date was.


	3. Kindling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wonder who Alfred's blind date could possibly be?? :o read to find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))) 
> 
> count on me to somehow mention Witchcraft in a fic about a firefighter and a nurse. hope you like it! 
> 
> Kudos and (nice) comments appreciated!

Neatly combed back pretty blonde hair. Fleshy pink lips. Broad shoulders. Long, narrow nose. Cheekbones sharp enough to cut him. Those hauntingly vivid eyes. It was Ludwig. It was fuckin’ Ludwig, sitting there in the table in the back by the window. He was dressed rather nicely, fitting for the setting. He sat with his legs crossed and his back straight, but his eyes were distracted out the window. One hand was in his lap and the other fingered a metal pendant that was attached to a thin black string around his neck. 

 

It was all Alfred could do but stare for a moment, eyes bulging out of his head. Should he go? This was a mistake, right? Mabelle said it was a friend of hers, but Alfred knew most of her friends. Surely, Ludwig could have mentioned him at some point to her, and she would have made the connection? Or maybe she  _ had  _ and had done this one  _ purpose.  _ The little  _ shit _ .  Ludwig looked at him before he could make a decision, sitting up a little straighter before actually  _ noticing  _ him. 

 

Alfred watched Ludwig seemingly size him up then turn red from the face then down to his neck and to his ears. He felt his smile broaden just a little. He wouldn’t mind staying, he guessed. He took his seat, sitting back with a sigh. 

 

“You know Mabelle?” He asked. 

Ludwig nodded, clearing his throat. “Yes.”

“How long?”

“About a year now, I believe.”

“A  _ year _ ? I’ve known her for  _ eight _ ! We went to college together!”

“Oh. She...never mentioned you.”

“Same here! Holy shit. This is insane.”

“It is quite strange.”

 

Alfred chuckled, straightening in his seat and leaning his forearms on the table. He looked over at Ludwig. How did this happen? He couldn’t stop smiling, even though Ludwig seem embarrassed. 

 

“Well, we’re on a date, huh?” He said after a moment of silence. “You still...are you still ok with that? I’m down for dinner with a new friend, if you want?”

Ludwig looked at him, staring in silence for several moments before shaking his head. “A date is fine.”

Alfred’s smile stretched into a grin, and he couldn’t help the gleeful giggle. “A date it is, then. I dunno how to do this whole date thing, by the way, so…”

“Me neither. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but I’ve actually never been on a date before.”

“ _ What _ ? You’re lying!”

“No, I am not. I mean it. You take me for a liar?”

“Well, no! But I mean... _ never _ been on a date. I can’t believe it. I’m honored to be your first.”

Ludwig flashed him a faint, crooked smile and nodded. “I’m just glad Mabelle didn’t set me up with some creep.”

“I might be creepy!” Alfred said. “You never know!”

“Well, now that I think about it...you do often turn up wherever I seem to go. I wonder, Mr. Jones. Are you stalking me?” Ludwig raised an eyebrow, lifting his chin.

Alfred scoffed. “No way. You’re the one stalking  _ me _ . I lived in this part of town first!”

“That is very true. But my home burned down, can you blame me for moving here? I hardly think you would be so insensitive.”

“Damn, you’re right. You got off this time, Ludwig. Imma keep my eye on you.”

 

Alfred couldn’t help but chuckle, and Ludwig wore a bigger smile. 

 

A waiter soon came with their menus and a wine selection. 

 

Alfred looked over everything quiet, feeling himself grimace. Everything here was expensive. Maybe Mabelle had overestimated how much he was willing to ‘enjoy’ himself on this date. Sure, if he and Mabelle had come here, he’d drop the money with little hesitation because he was close with her. It would be worth it. If he was here with Arthur, he’d pay no problem. If he was here with Magnus, he’d whip out his card without another thought. 

 

No offense to Ludwig, but…

 

Alfred chewed the inside of his cheek, glancing over the top of his menu at Ludwig. 

 

Ludwig was staring at him. Unwavering, impassive, silent. His smile had faded by now, too. 

 

He blinked and quickly looked down. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. He was sweating like a jalapeno pig. Was it hot in here? It felt hot in here. Alfred shifted in his seat and braved a glance up again. 

 

Ludwig was still staring at him. It was hard to meet his gaze. Ludwig was calm, as he usually seemed to be, but something about looking him head on made Alfred feel as though he were about to combust. If looks could kill...though, Ludwig didn't look too unhappy. Alfred swallowed, looking down at the menu and trying to remember what all this stuff meant. Mabelle liked to cook and had tried to teach him about certain types of cuisine, but he always forgot about it. He tugged a bit on his collar. 

 

He glanced up again, and Ludwig was looking down at his menu now. Tension that Alfred hadn't felt build up melted from his shoulders. 

 

Alfred felt compelled to speak, putting down his menu. “You think it’s a good idea to drop 45 bucks on a glass of wine on the first date?” He asked. 

“If it’s good wine,” Ludwig said. “I rather like wine, actually. Do you not drink?”

“It’s not that. I just...we barely know each other. If things don’t work out, I don’t wanna know I spent this much money on a meal that meant nothing, ya know?” Alfred told him with a shrug.

Ludwig’s eyebrows drew in, and he pressed his lips together. A few moments of silence passed before he shook his head. “I suppose it does seem a bit ridiculous. I don’t even spent 45 dollars on a bottle for myself.”

“Great,” Alfred said, standing and closing his menu. “C’mon, then!”

“What are you doing?” Ludwig asked, seeming a bit startled.

“We’re leavin’. Let’s go somewhere cheap but cool. This place makes me feel like I should have kids and a summer home. You have either one?”

“Well, no, but I-- isn’t it a bit rude to just leave?”

“Nah! We haven’t ordered anything. I’m sure they get plenty of money anyway. C’mon. It’s a first date, we should get to know each other. A good way to do that is to feel comfortable and casual. How many times a year you come to places like this?”

 

Ludwig watched him and tilted his head like a curious dog. They were supposed to just...leave? He didn’t know he felt about that. He had gotten dressed nicely for the occasion, and he had spent the gas getting here. It wasn’t terribly far but still. He glanced around and saw there were plenty of people in here already. It did feel a bit stuffy. After several moment, he conceded and stood, following Alfred as they left the restaurant. 

 

The night air was warm but not humid, the sun just having set and leaving fiery streaks to hold its legacy until the stars would eventually come and take the show. It wasn’t dark enough for the street lights yet either, so he looked over to Alfred with no problem. 

 

“Where shall we go?” He asked. 

Alfred shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. “I’m still hungry, so I say we go somewhere to get some dinner. You got any places you like? Preferably not super expensive or formal, “ he said.

“There is a pizzeria I enjoy just a block or two from here. It also has a vegan menu, if that is your preference.”

“It’s not, but that’s cool. Are you vegan?”

“No.”

“Cool. Well, you lead the way then. We can walk since it’s so close.”

 

Ludwig nodded, and they fell into a silence as they walked. 

 

Alfred kept his hands in his pants pockets, glancing over to Ludwig frequently. The silence between them wasn’t as awkward as it had been at the doctor’s office or at the pharmacy, but he still felt like they should be talking. He was all for boundaries and all; they had to get to know each other, though, right? What other way was there to do that besides talking?

 

Alfred decided to start somewhere he knew they had something in common and asked Ludwig how he knew Mabelle. 

 

“Ah, my sister-in-law owns an apothecary that Mabelle frequents,” Ludwig said. “I am there often when I am not at work or running errands. She likes to talk, as I am sure you know, and so does my sister-in-law. They really kind of...double-teamed me, I suppose. But I like Mabelle. She is very sweet.”

“An apothecary? What’s that?”

“Well, technically it is a store owned by a medical professional in which they sell medicines and such to other medical professionals. My sister-in-law is a medical professional,  _ but  _ her store is more for...well, it’s more for Witchcraft. It could be called a boutique instead, if that better suits your understanding.”

“Witchcraft?”

Alfred’s confused and dumbfounded look brought a bit of color to Ludwig’s face. He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yes, Witchcraft. With a capital ‘W’, it distinguishes it as a modern faith. She sells common tools for Witchcraft, like handmade broomsticks, incense, leatherbound journals for spells, stones, chalices, cauldrons and many more things.”

“So your sister-in-law is a witch?”

“Yes. And no, she’s not crazy. She is a Wiccan, which is a more concentrated branch of Paganism. I also happen to be Pagan.”

“Oh. Pagan...isn’t that like...animal sacrifices and stuff?”

“That depends on what branch of Paganism you are talking about. Personally, I am unsure of my specific affiliation in the Pagan community, but I certainly do not sacrifice animals nor do I condone it. But let us not talk of religion on our first date, yes?”

“Works for me. So what are your hobbies? What are you passionate about?”

“I do a lot of volunteer work, mostly at animals shelters. I help set up and take down local markets when they come. I help children with after school reading programs. I also make the children dolls.”

“You make ‘em dolls? Is that why you had all that stuff at the craft store?”

“Yes. I mostly repaint them, but I have made a few ball-jointed dolls from scratch.”

“Dude, that’s fuckin’  _ awesome _ ! That’s amazing, Ludwig, really.”

Ludwig glanced at him and felt a heat in his cheeks again. Goodness. It was nothing, he wanted to say. But his ego had been stoked. He shook his head, shrugging. “Thank you, if you really think so. I also enjoy building things. I like to make Lego buildings and scale models of famous landmarks, planes, and things like that. I even made a tiny robot once. I have also put in an order for a 3D printer, and I have plans for that as well,” he said, rubbing his hands together absently.

“Wow,” Alfred sighed, chuckling. “That sounds wicked. The most I ever built was like stuff for school, ya know? The solar system and stuff like that. Even then, my cousin helped me mostly. Ah, man, my cousin’s probably one of the smartest guys I know. His name’s Matthew, and I love him. He’s a wildlife biologist up in Canada right now, studyin’ somethin’ or other. My dad wasn’t really all that close to me, but my aunt Aoife and Matthew were. Aoife is like my second mom! And Matthew’s like a brother to me, he really is! I miss him, but we talk anytime we can. In fact, he’s gonna be visiting soon! I can’t wait! Maybe you can meet him! I think you guys would totally hit it off.”

“He sounds nice. Perhaps I can. Well, Alfred, what do  _ you _ like to do?”

Alfred shrugged, taking his hands out of his pockets to stretch his arms up and rest his hands against the back of his head. “I like workin’. Anytime I can take more time, I do. Other than that, I like goin’ around old antique shops and collecting cool posters, especially if they’re old movie promotions. The other day, I went to this Moon Pie and RC Cola festival down in Tennessee and I got this  _ amazing _ Wizard of Oz metal poster. I like movies a lot in general, especially superhero movies. They’re  _ so good _ . I have a buncha old comic books, too. I also enjoy music. Almost any time period and any style. Vinyls are my favorite way to listen to older music. What kinda music do you like?”

“Classical, mostly. It helps me focus. Other than that, I do enjoy a nice jazz or heavy metal. Loud noise bothers me, but if I listen to it quietly I do enjoy it.”

“Ooh, heavy metal! I never really listened to any heavy metal but classic rock gives me the goosebumps, man. Hey, maybe you can come over some time and I can break out my jazz records, eh? Wouldn’t that be fun? Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Perhaps. We’re here.”

 

Alfred looked up at the building as they approached. It was quaint. A smallish wood place, with a homey sign that read Nona Lisa’s Pizzeria. There were healthy bushels of flowers in front and outdoor seating with strings lights galore. A thin linen tented over the seating area, making the glow of the lights hazier from here, but it all seems so pretty. Inside, the tables and chairs seemed to be all handmade. It looked just like a bunch of dining room furniture that you’d find in anyone’s house casually. Ludwig got their menus, and they decided together to sit outside to enjoy the night. 

 

They took their seats, and Alfred sat back in his chair. He looked across the table at Ludwig. The lights gave him a soft orange glow, lighting up that hair and softening the sharp features of his face. Damn. 

 

After that, things went pretty well. Ludwig ate a lot, just as Alfred had suspected. They got two large pizzas and Ludwig still got a calzone after that and dessert. Well, Alfred felt better knowing Ludwig wasn’t afraid to eat in front of him! It was impressive. He just put it back without a lot of thought. He used a lot of pepper, though. Gross. 

 

Between stretches of silence for eating, the discussion strolled between outer space and their shared fascination of it, favorite movies, light banter about politics, some more personal sharing. Ludwig liked to do outdoorsy things but apparently, he couldn’t swim. He actually did a few athletic competitions when he was a teenager and once won a thousand dollar prize. He spoke Swedish, Russian, French, and some conversational Spanish besides his native German and secondary English. He also did calligraphy and collected different types of pens! Ludwig collected a lot of things in general, like pretty stones and rocks, cool vintage glass bottles, small ceramic animals, essential oils. 

 

When Alfred thought it, it made sense. From what he knew of Ludwig, the man seemed tedious and collections were tedious. Tedious to grow and to maintain. Alfred would know, he had a few collections of his own and cared for them often. It was kinda cute, thinking of Ludwig stopping on a walk with Sam to grab a cool rock. Adorable. 

 

Alfred rubbed a hand over his stomach after they had split the check, feeling blissfully full. He was smiling lazily, reclined in his seat even more, shirt unbuttoned a few more. He needed to unbutton his pants, too, after that meal. 

 

“This place is great,” he said, looking up at the lights. “Thanks for showin’ me my new favorite pizza place.” 

“Of course. I am glad you enjoyed it,” Ludwig said with a nod.

 

Alfred closed his eyes for a moment, letting a friendly breeze kiss at his skin before he sat up properly and let his eyes settle on Ludwig. He still looked so good under these lights, though his shoulders had begun to slouch comfortably. What a cutie. 

 

“I’ve had a really nice time tonight,” he murmured. “We should do this again. You down?”

“That depends on what we do. Did you have anything in mind?” Ludwig asked.

“You can come over to my place. We can have dinner again, and we’ll listen to my jazz records. Reminisce about times we weren’t there for. Sound good?”

“Yes. On one condition.”

“Which is…?”

“You have to let me cook. I have a book full of recipes that I never use except for myself. Also, next time we can go to my place.”

“Oh, no problem. I’m not that great of a cook anyway. Your place? Hey! I totally forgot to ask! You got your own place now?”

“Yes, I do. I just signed the lease for it a few days ago, actually. I should be moving in soon. It all depends on how work is. I also just so happened to get a job at the hospital here.”

“Holy shit, Ludwig, that’s great! I can totally help ya move in! Third date, moving day. How does that sound?”

“We’ll see how the second date goes. But if anything, you can still help me move. I don’t have a lot but any help is nice.”

“Awesome. So...can I have your number then? I don’t wanna count on seein’ you around, ya know?”

 

The corner’s of Ludwig’s lips quirked up, and he nodded. They traded phone numbers and after letting their food settle, they walked back to their cars. Huh. They’d even parked next to each other. He felt his chest puff a little when Ludwig eyed his car and bit his lip. Alfred had spent a hot dollar on this baby. 1969 Pontiac GTO Judge. Cherry red. Alfred had had it since he was 21. Every weekend, he cleaned it inside and out, polished it over until it shone like the stars in the sky. He wasn’t always the most organized person on the planet, but when it came to his car, the damn thing was never dirty. 

 

“You like old muscle cars?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning wide. 

Ludwig nodded. “I love them. My brother has a ‘69 Ford Mustang Boss 429. Jet black. He also builds motorcycles and has a few of those he keeps,” he said. “I’ve been saving to get something like this, but I would never drive it.”

“What? Why not?”

“Driving makes me nervous, and if I crash I wouldn’t want it to ruin something so beautiful.”

“Damn. Makes sense. Well, maybe you can take a ride with me some time. I wouldn’t mind one bit.”

 

Ludwig flashed a smile and nodded. The car he had now suited him just fine. It was good on gas, had enough room for him, Sam, and a friend or two, and was easy to manage. Maybe one day he’d start a full-size car collection. He had a miniature toy car collection already. It was full of tiny muscle cars. That was good enough for him at the moment, but he definitely wouldn’t pass up a ride in Alfred’s car since it’d been offered. 

 

Alfred chuckled, about to say his goodbyes when he remembered he had Ludwig’s pen. “Oh-- shit, hold on,” he said, feeling around his pockets for the pen. “Aw, man, I can’t find your pen. Where’d I put it? We split the check, then I had it in my hand, and I--” 

“Your ear.” Ludwig pointed.

“Oh, haha! Thanks! Well, here’s your pen back,” Alfred said, holding it out to him.

Ludwig stared at him for a moment, then glanced at the pen, then back at Alfred. “Write me a letter with it first,” he said, then turned, unlocked his car, and got in. “Give it to me on our second date. Now you can’t bail on me, hm? It would be rude to steal someone’s pen.”

Alfred watched him and heard himself scoff. “A letter it is, then. You got it,” he said, clicking his tongue.

Ludwig flashed another smile. “Goodnight, Mr. Jones,” he said before pulling out and driving off.

Alfred watched him go, cupping his hands at his mouth to call after him. “It’s  _ Alfred _ !”

 

He stayed there to watch Ludwig’s lights disappear.  _ Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. _ The pen in his palm felt even warmer than before. God damn. He hadn’t had a date go that well in so long, if ever. The whole night had felt almost natural. Their interactions before this had been short-lived and a bit distant somehow. Tonight their conversation flowed easier, and they hadn’t gotten too extremely personal but he knew more about Ludwig than he had before. That was going in the right direction. He had no doubt about that; they had planned a second date, maybe even a third. 

 

Damn, maybe Mabelle wasn’t such a shithead. 

 

Alfred chuckled to himself, tucking the pen back above his ear and going to his car. He had to gush as soon as possible. As soon as he was in the car, he called Magnus and proceeded to chatter his ear off about how great and handsome and sweet and  _ interesting _ Ludwig was. Everything had gone so well; he couldn’t have been happier. In all honesty, he hadn’t really expected to get along so well with Ludwig. Short small talk sessions weren’t all that telling of someone’s attitude toward you or a good gauge of compatibility. He was so glad this went the way it had. And Magnus was enthusiastic to listen, relaying everything to Timo, who was also happy to hear it. 

 

Alfred went to bed that night with euphoria red hot in his stomach and blossoming throughout his chest and out to his entire body. In the back of his mind, he kept a draft of that letter, Ludwig’s pen sitting on his bedside table. 


	4. Burnt Rubber.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone makes mistakes. But Alfred's mistake isn't a life lesson, nor a learning moment. Alfred's mistake costs so much more than a good laugh for the future or a moment of cringe in the middle of the night. As Life is wont to do, things have gone very wrong and Alfred finds himself very much in the middle of mistake that is much more grave than he ever thought he could handle. 
> 
> Warning for death and mentions of blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the absence, i hate myself :))))
> 
> i promise to try to get back onto schedule but we shall see. hopefully you enjoy!
> 
> Kudos and (nice) comments are appreciated! <3

Months passed and seasons changed. Summer began to cool, transitioning from bright oranges and yellows in the sky to autumn palettes in the bevy of leaves that began to take flight to the grounds. Mounds of fallen sunsets lined the streets; the daylight hours began to wane. Pumpkins and other squash began to appear everywhere. Grocery stores and other department stores were lined with Halloween decorations and cheap costumes. 

 

They had their dates on and off. Sometimes it was a date. Sometimes they just hung out with mutual friends. Sometimes they went days without talking much because of work. But whenever he could, Alfred tried to send Ludwig cute pictures of dogs and cats and any other animals he came across when scrolling through apps mindlessly on his phone. He also sent screenshots of Brokeback Mountain once he found out Ludwig liked cowboys. Ludwig appreciated the animals but was vehement in his hatred of the gay cowboys (which they both knew was a lie). 

 

Alfred liked gay cowboys, too. He also liked Ludwig, and if Ludwig liked gay cowboys then Alfred was ready to go full ‘yeehaw’. Whatever that meant. He wasn’t exactly all up to date with cowboy culture, but he was sure Ludwig had all the answers. 

 

He usually did. Even if Alfred muttered something off-handedly about something he didn’t understand, Ludwig could usually give him some sort of explanation. One time, Ludwig somehow explained Germany’s herping population, species, and behavior. Apparently, there were only 20 species of amphibians in Germany, whereas the US had 190. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the talk of sports or space travel or old movies that Alfred was used to, but listening to Ludwig talk was always interesting. 

 

So interesting that it inspired Alfred’s tendency to always tell his friends about it. Especially the crew at work. 

 

Some of them found it endearing, some of them wanted him to shut the Hell up. A common occurrence. It wasn’t like they didn’t like Ludwig; they actually warmed up to him pretty well. It  _ may  _ have had something to do with the fact that he brought baked goods and Sam with him whenever he visited Alfred, but Alfred liked to think it was because they liked Ludwig himself. 

 

Ludwig was coming to visit Alfred today for lunch. And of course, Alfred was over the moon about it. 

 

He was reclined on the couch in the base room, feet thrown up on the coffee table. Magnus sat next to him, and Timo next to him. Emmeline and Erzsébet were playing foosball, bickering back and forth over the loud clacking of the toy ball being torpedoed around. Captain was having lunch with his wife across the room, and their giggling was very cute. And a little rude, quite frankly, because there was no giggling when he and Alfred talked. Meanie. 

 

“So, remind me why you guys haven’t kissed yet?” Magnus said, raising an eyebrow after hearing Alfred sigh wistfully for the millionth time when talking of Ludwig. 

Alfred clicked his tongue. “We’re not there yet! We’re just...chillin’. We’ve both got a lot we do in our lives, and romance isn’t somethin’ we can both work really hard at all the time! Besides, if he’s not ready for it, then I’m not gonna try to push him into it.”

“But how do you  _ know _ he is not ready?” Timo piped, tilting his head.

“Because. He’s not,” Alfred muttered. “I just know it! I mean, I’m not the best at predicting people’s emotions, but I can tell we’re not even close. Besides, I don’t want any criticism about my love life from  _ you guys _ . You’re married! You guys have a bias that definitely isn’t gonna help me. In fact-- I don’t even need help! I know what I’m doin’!” He looked at his phone when it pinged. “He’s here, he’s here!”

 

Alfred clambered off the couch and skittered over to the door, pulling it open in time to see Ludwig approaching. Sam trotted next to him happily, holding the handles of a bag in her mouth and wagging her tail wildly. Ludwig held a bouquet of flowers and a pretty pink box. 

 

“Hey, stranger,” Alfred said as Ludwig came closer, offering a broad smile. “And hi, Sam! What’d you bring me, huh? What a sweet delivery girl!” He crouched as she came over to him, petting her head and taking the bag from her to peer inside. 

“I made sub sandwiches,” Ludwig told him. “I put yours in the panini press because I know you like hot sandwiches. I hope you like it. I also brought fudge brownies for everyone.”

Alfred stood with the bag, nodding. “Damn, sounds great. Thank, Luddi,” he said.

“I  _ also _ have finally brought you those flowers I promised you ages ago. I got you pansies. Lili said they were for remembrance and thought. It seems fitting, I suppose. Don’t you think so?”

“Wow, Lud, thanks! They’re really pretty. And yeah. Yeah, it does fit.”

 

Alfred took the flowers, feeling his face burn. Remembrance and thoughts. As a gift for what had happened that night they met, it definitely fit. Did his feelings fit all his chest? That was a different story. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face and suddenly, it was hard to look at Ludwig. Instead, he turned and went inside with him. As the others were quick to shower Sam with attention and inquire about the box Ludwig held, he brought the flowers to the table Captain and his wife were at. He placed them down with the bag then turned his attention back to everyone else. 

 

Ludwig was giving out the brownies, and the squad were all quiet for once since their mouths were full. Sam sniffed around to see if there were any treats hidden. Alfred called her over and got her one from the back near the snack station, kissing her head. 

 

“You bein’ good for Ludwig, hm?” He murmured as she scarfed it down. “Such a good girl, such a good girl.” 

 

Sam nuzzled into his hand once she had finished the treat, rubbing her head into his arm and eventually pushing all of her weight onto him as she so often did. One of the best things about being friends with Ludwig was seeing Sam. She was such a sweetheart. And so smart, too. Just like Ludwig. That was no surprise; dogs often mirrored traits in their owners. Alfred had always wanted to get a pet of his own and spending time with Sam didn’t make the idea any less delightful. He just didn’t know if he would be able to really properly manage a pet. Pets could be self sufficient, depending on what kind, but Alfred didn’t want to get a pet just to leave it at home all the time because he worked constantly. 

 

What good was a pet if he was never there to take care of it and spend time with it? 

 

And what good was a relationship if the people in it were always too busy to manage it? 

 

Alfred sat on the floor with Sam in his lap, petting her absently and watching Ludwig from across the room. That was the main reason he and Ludwig hadn’t... _ gone _ anywhere toward a romantic relationship, wasn’t it? They were both pretty much always on call. Unlike someone who worked maybe at a grocery store or even an office job, calling out wasn’t just something they could really do. It wasn’t as easy. Sure, a sick day was a sick day. Alfred wasn’t going to get anyone else sick when he had the sick day to take. Ludwig especially wouldn’t do such a thing, as a nurse. 

 

Hopefully, their stasis had nothing to do with how either of them felt. Or, what they didn’t feel. What Ludwig didn’t feel. 

 

Alfred was not expecting Ludwig to be in love with him. They hadn’t known each other long enough to be ‘in love’; he didn’t think so, at least. But they had both gone on that date and each and every other one, knowing and mutually consenting to the fact that it was a date. So that had to mean something, right? 

 

He had always felt uneasy about entering any type of relationship with the expectation of a romantic endgame. Fate proving his fears and hesitations correct was not something he looked forward to at all, really. He  _ liked _ Ludwig, he really did. Being friends with him these past months was enough for him, if they moved nowhere else from here. Being Ludwig’s friend would be enough. 

 

Alfred realized too late that Ludwig was staring at him, eyebrows raised and head cocked. He blinked back into presently aware mode and spread a smile across his face, gently pushing Sam aside as he stood. 

 

“C’mon, let’s eat,” he said, waving for Ludwig to go to the table.

 

Ludwig nodded and stepped from the conversation, meeting him at the table. He flashed a polite smile at the Captain and his wife. 

 

“Captain Adnan,” he said in greeting as he sat. “Mrs. Adnan. I hope you are enjoying your lunch.”

Sadik smiled at Ludwig, waving his fork at him. “Ludwig! It’s very nice to see you.”

 

Chloe mirrored his smile but didn’t speak because her mouth was full and instead just nodded in greeting. 

 

“How is your brother?” Sadik asked.

“He is doing very well, thank you. He is a bit stressed, but it comes with the job, I suppose.”

“Certainly. He’s on a case right now, ain’t he?”

“He is.”

“Can you tell me about it?”

“I am afraid he has told me nothing to share. He is not allowed or willing to divulge case details.”

“Fair enough. You tell him I said hey next time you see him, alright?”

“Of course, Captain. He would be happy to hear from you.”

 

Alfred sat back as they talked, chuckling softly to himself. Gilbert seemed less and less intimidating the more he got to know the guy. Not any less cool than he had originally thought. Gilbert was like a punk rock dream; he’d been in a band for several years in his youth and there were stacks and stacks of photos of him engaging in hardcore counter culture events. Gilbert was motorcycles and heavy metal and leather jackets, that was for sure. In fact, he had what he called his ‘lucky leather’, which was a black leather jacket that was a little worn, covered in enamel pins and smelled of cigarettes and cologne. He had an extensive collection of CDs and vinyls, which Alfred was anticipating to wade through one day. He also had a pet snake and two dogs. 

 

Gilbert was also a little goofy, which came as a surprise. He seemed to be a pretty energetic type of person, but he was almost Magnus-level goofball. Once when he had come with Ludwig and Alfred to the movies, he laughed at every corny joke and almost got them kicked out because he kept going ‘oh no!’ or ‘oh shit’ every time something went wrong. 

 

He was definitely the cool older brother Alfred had always wanted, though, he really was. It was easy to make friends with Gilbert, despite what he seemed like. 

 

Alfred could only imagine their childhood together was something like out of a movie. Ludwig would be often bothered by Gilbert’s outspoken and troublesome nature; Gilbert might feel like Ludwig was a stick in the mud but instead of leaving him alone, he’d try to bring him along on adventures to see if it would break him from the shell. He had no real way of knowing if he was right as of yet, but in their interactions now, Alfred saw that there was a deep understanding of each other. Alfred didn’t know their code, but he knew they had one. Whether it be in a look or in a gesture, a situation could be changed drastically by simply observing one another. 

 

Alfred had the same connection with his cousin, Matthew. Matthew was the closest to a brother he had, and sometimes he really did consider Matthew his brother. It was easy for him to think of it that way, because Aoife was more of a mother to him than Arthur had even been a father. Hell, Alfred slept over at their house more often than he ever had at ‘home’. As far as he was concerned, all the time he’d spent with Arthur in his childhood was like visiting. After his mother died, Arthur was barely there at all, mentally or physically. 

 

Ludwig turned to look at Alfred, tilting his head at him again. “Alfred.” 

Alfred blinked a few times then raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“Can you please stop rocking your chair back like that? If you fall, you might choke.”

“Worried about me?”

“Should I be?”

 

Alfred snorted and leaned forward again, splaying his legs beneath the table. His foot bumped into Ludwig’s and at first he made to move if it weren’t for the bump that followed. His eyes glanced over to Ludwig, who was certainly not paying him attention. 

 

He knocked his foot back into Ludwig’s, a little harder. What followed was one of the more intense games of footsie he had ever been a part of. At first, it was a little thing, and between them were some giggles and sly smiles. But then something competitive kicked in. Speaking kicked, Ludwig kicked  _ hard _ . Maybe it was the boots he was wearing, but Alfred was not prepared for it. The kick jarred him enough for him to nearly inhale the bite of food he was on. Jesus Meesus! Was Ludwig trying to break his fuckin’ leg off? His gut reaction was to kick Ludwig back as hard as he could, and he did. 

 

Ludwig jolted enough to shift the table; thankfully, the captain and his wife had left the area by now. He gave Alfred a narrow-eyed look. 

 

Alfred gave him a sheepish grin. He opened his mouth to offer a truce and  _ wham _ . 

 

“Son of a  _ bitch _ !” The curse flew out of Alfred’s mouth before he could help himself, and he tugged his leg up into clutch at his shin which ached like he couldn’t believe. “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Motherfucker!” 

Ludwig flashed a feline grin, lifting his chin. “Did I mention that I often enjoy soccer and played on my high school’s team?” He asked, teasing.  

 

Alfred’s agony was only leavened by Ludwig’s pleased look and the cacophony of laughter from his crew. Okay, maybe the latter embarrassed and annoyed him but whatever. He groaned, leaning his forehead against his knee and bemoaning his pain. 

 

“It’s fuckin’ broken,” he whined. “You broke my leg, ya asshole. You hate me. Why do you hate me? It’s broken, Ludwig, it’s fuckin’ broken!”

“It is  _ not _ broken, and I do  _ not _ hate you,” Ludwig told him with a shake of his head. “Besides...you started it.” 

 

He stood, taking his trash and disposing of it. Then he pointedly went on his way to sit with Sam across the room. 

 

Alfred just watched him with a soft scoff. Brat. He pulled up his pant leg and observed it for bruises but nothing was forming. Yet, _ yet _ damn it! Son of a bitch, man. If he didn’t like the damn guy so much, he might just have a mind to run over there and kick him in that pretty face of his. 

 

Oh, it was hard to be mad at Ludwig. He was just so sweet. 

 

And as Alfred walked Ludwig out to his car later, Ludwig paused before he got in. 

 

“Are you alright?” He asked, glancing down at his leg. “I didn’t really hurt you, did I?” 

“Oh, no, you definitely did. It hurts a lot,” Alfred admitted but shrugged and added quickly, “But it’s fine! It’s part of the game.”

Ludwig seemed embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Don’t worry about it! You’ll be gettin’ your ass kicked later tonight in Street Fighter anyway, so I figure it’s best you get your kicks in now.”

At that, Ludwig seemed to brighten up and only shook his head. “In your dreams, Mr. Jones.”

 

Alfred stuck his tongue out at him, watching him drive off with a wide, dumb smile. 

 

* * *

 

Ludwig had surprised him at first with his affinity for video games, as Ludwig wasn’t the type to seem into that kind of stuff. He did surprisingly well.

 

That being said, Alfred still definitely beat his ass in Street Fighter that night. It was a treat to see Ludwig frustrated enough to yell at the TV. Nice. 

 

They shared dinner, Chinese take out, and then Ludwig went home for the night. 

 

Alfred was feeling pretty good, despite his thoughts of their relationship and of love itself. Or whatever. He wasn’t thinking about  _ love _ , not in context of Ludwig, at least. When he went to bed that night and turned over in bed, seeing that Ludwig’s pen was still there, the tightness that punched him in the chest wasn’t love. When his final waking thought was of Ludwig’s smile, it wasn’t love. When a warmth spread all over him when Ludwig appeared in his dreams, it wasn’t love. 

 

Alfred didn’t love Ludwig. Right? 

 

* * *

 

Alfred’s feet hit the floor firm as he came down from the pole, charging off to get geared up. Another day, another call. The garage was filled with a flurry of organized chaos in which the Captain’s voice was King.

 

They followed everything he said; he had never led them wrong before. 

 

Alfred hung onto the truck just like he always did, the situation staying in the front of his mind. Traffic collision, a truck and one of those little eco-friendly cars. One of the passersby had been the one to report the incident; the people inside the vehicles were most likely stuck there. 

 

Sure enough, when they arrived on the scene, Alfred could see figures inside of them. On both sides of the street, people had begun to gather. It was one of the more twisted things about his work. Seeing people watching things like this. He couldn’t condemn them. It was an almost natural habit; you didn’t want to look, but you couldn’t look away. People wanted to be a part of something interesting and dangerous, he guessed, even if it meant seeing some awful situations in the process. 

 

The rumble of the crowd wasn’t too loud, but the sirens and the shouts of his co-workers certainly was. Not enough to sway his attention from the task at hand. Not enough to distract him from the scene. 

 

He, Magnus, Timo, and Emmeline were assigned to the tiny Honda Civic. They had been t-boned, right on the driver’s side. Before they even got there, Alfred heard it.

 

Bone-chilling. Shrill. Ear-piercing. So  _ loud _ , loud enough to rip into the air and fill the busy street with despair of pain. It was a little girl, crying hysterically from inside. 

 

He felt himself falter just slightly. 

 

It was fine. Just another day as a Hero, right? No matter who it was, Superman entered a situation with courage as strong as steel. Superman had no nerves, and if he did, he hid it well. Alfred was no man of Steel, but he could try his best.  That was what Superman would have wanted. For Alfred’s best. No one as noble and as steadfast in the face of adversity as Superman deserved anything less than that. 

 

It had rained previously in the day. The car tires must have slipped, or the man in the truck may have thought he could make the light. Whatever was the case, the force of the truck almost completely caved in the entire driver’s side of the Honda. 

 

While his daughter cried, the man in the front made no noise at all, sitting limp and glistening in the streetlights with blood. 

 

Alfred approached his busted window, calling to him. No answer. He reached a hand in to feel for a pulse. His hands fought to stay steady as he tugged off his glove, fingertips instantly slick with the blood that oozed. He felt nothing. 

 

The girl in the back couldn’t be more than 6. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 

 

It was everything Alfred feared. Even after all these years, he feared it more than anything that could ever be beneath his bed. More than any lurking figure in the darkness. More than any microphone in his laptop, listening to his every sound. 

 

Oh,  _ God _ . 

 

Alfred did everything he could. They all did. They never did anything but. 

 

But they failed. By the time Alfred picked her up from out of her seat, she fallen quiet and laid like a ragdoll in his arms. Everything else faded into the background as he stared down at her. She was wearing a leotard and a little tutu. The soft pink was stained red now, sticky and smelling sickeningly of metallic grime. 

 

He could just see her now, greeting her father after hours of practice. Giggling to her friends about what new Princesses there were, or how excited she was for the sleepover this weekend. And when she saw her father, she ran over to him and greeted him with a ‘Hi, Daddy!’ And her father would be at her every recital, watching proudly even if she stumbled every now and then. 

 

Not anymore. Now Alfred held her here, the flashing lights of emergency vehicles lighting them both up. The violent droning of the sirens had stopped by now, but Alfred still couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t hear anything but her cries, echoing throughout his head like a racquetball. 

 

Her weight in his arms was so heavy, even for a girl so small. 

 

A sudden grip on his shoulder snapped him back into the moment. His eyes were wide, stinging from not blinking. He must have looked stupefied. Magnus stared right back at him, face twisted in both concern and understanding. 

 

“Al...I got it,” Magnus whispered, making a move to take her from him. 

“No,” Alfred said, despondently. “I got her. I got her. Don’t touch her, don’t... I can do it.”

 

Magnus side stepped him and let him go. 

 

Alfred took her to the ambulance, laying her upon the gurney and stepping back. He stayed where he was, watching them officially pronounce her...dead. She was  _ dead _ . Dead. For a good minute he stood there, mystified and disturbed beyond comprehension. 

 

How could those people watch this? How could  _ he _ ever watch these things? Didn’t anyone realize what a horrifying reality awaited their eyes? 

 

It took the Captain’s hand on his shoulder to goad him back to work. Their job was to clean up then. Everyone on the scene had been pronounced dead. Blood seeped through the puddles on the ground, mixing with oils that had lifted from the rain. The smell of death clung to him, all the way from the scene back to the station, and on the way home that night. 

 

He barely made it to his door before he was kicking off his shoes and getting undressed. 

Shaking hands. Labored breaths. Tearing off his clothes to get into the shower. He had get the smell  _ off _ of him. It seeped into every crevice in his body. 

 

His pores were clogging with tragedy, with his faults, with their lives. The stares of the passersby, wondering why they hadn’t been able to save them. The whispers that passed through those that watched. The little girl’s terrified cries and pleads. 

 

Alfred broke down into tears, fingers tangling in his own hair, pulling at it until his follicles were on fire. The sound echoed over and over in his head, louder than the shower, louder than his own sobs. Her voice, her tiny helpless voice, in pain and in shock. He hadn't been able to save her. He hadn't been able to save her father. 

 

He hadn’t been fast enough, or strong enough. He hadn’t been brave enough. What kind of Hero failed so badly? Not one, not two, but three bodies were loaded up tonight.  _ His  _ fault, because he hadn’t done enough.  _ His  _ fault, because he wasn’t Superman, nor anything that could be close. 

 

Alfred pressed his forehead against the tile of the shower wall, sucking in choppy breaths and keeping his eyes screwed shut. God help him. Oh,  _ God _ help him. His worst fears were only supposed to be a fear. Not a reality. Not a reality he had held in his arms and sent off to be processed in a cold, bland room on a steel slab.

 

She was dead, because of  _ him _ . Too young to die, too young to even realize everything she had ahead of her, too young to ride a bike without the training wheels probably. 

 

He’d taken that away from her, from her family. She had a mother, for fuck’s sake. Yet it was Alfred who was still standing here, and that girl’s mother who would be receiving debilitating news. Alfred wouldn’t even be the one telling her. 

 

He couldn’t even apologize to her. For killing her daughter. 

 

Alfred couldn’t breathe, as he finally got himself move, scrubbing his entire body like his life depended on it. 

 

That little girl had watched her own father die, and all Alfred had done was go  _ home _ . That little girl had been hysteric in fear, and all Alfred had done was come  _ home _ . 

 

Funeral payments. A chain of devastating news, breaking up a family with grief. Counseling. An empty little bedroom, filled with toys and finger paintings. The serious talk of why she wouldn’t be coming to the sleepover. Not one, but two marked out birthdays on the calendar. Crossed off anniversary trip, cancelled tickets to the Bahamas and a cancelled babysitter. 

 

It was all Alfred’s fault. No matter how hard he  _ scrubbed _ , it melded into his skin and attacked his insides. 

 

The guilt was sickening.

 

When the water ran cold, Alfred just stood there and let it rain down on him until he was numb. Everything was quiet again, like it always was when he came home, as he dressed and locked up. Everything was still, except for him as he padded back into his bedroom and sat heavily upon the bed. Everything was shrouded in darkness besides the moon-colored shapes on the floor through the window. 

 

Alfred just sat there, staring at them. If he tried to sleep, he would see her. He would see her father, pitched forward, without any idea of what would be happening to his daughter just behind him. Her father had no idea that Alfred had  _ killed  _ his daughter. 

 

Superman would have gotten her out of there before anyone could blink. Why wasn’t Alfred  _ strong _ enough? 

 

He wasn’t even strong enough to  _ deal with it _ . He didn’t even know that girl’s name, or her father’s name. Yet there were people who had grown up with them, people whose memories were replayed so fondly with them in it. And now they were only that. Just memories of people. 

 

Alfred had taken that from them. 

 

And in the end, it was Alfred who got paid for it, and was sitting in his house, paying for none of what happened. Maybe the gas it took to get him from the station back here but that was it. 

 

Oh,  _ God _ . 

 

What kind of hero had he ever claimed to be? 


End file.
